Death of the Giant Baboon

Chapter 1: The Times

  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so did the train. This event was expected, but never with any conviction. It was just a passing feeling of unity in random pre-conditions. I have never looked at the schedule for this subway (Well, I may have at some point, but never with enough purpose to imprint it.) and I never leave that building with any form of consistency (relative to time). Therefore, one may believe this coincidence to truly be as described. It’s my (While others may hold a similar belief, this specific belief was wholly constructed by my own experience and thought. (By a legalist definition, such a belief would be partially owned by every figure in my life, therefore it will never be publicized lest I experience any consequence.)) belief that people hold these unions of random independent events with too much reverence. In reality, these coincidences hardly ever meet the requisite definitions. One side either has privileged knowledge, or a third party holds said knowledge and uses his position to force said union. The third case where a coincidence is rendered false by its own definition is when those independent circumstances that render a chance of coincidence are repeated till the point of statistical certainty. As you have already surmised, this coincidence-adjacent event falls into that third category.



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so too did the subway. But it’s no coincidence. It never could’ve been. I’ve walked this path so many times, continuously optimizing my schedule to minimize time waste. So why then, do I feel this strange relief when I see the subway? In an ideal mind, there would be no such feeling when you experience a positive consequence of action. It’s a disgusting thought that the brain rewards such a thing. A man should not be motivated to action by reward, otherwise action itself is rendered completely meaningless. My mind is such a disgusting filthy pit, spitting out these feelings after seeing the consequence of my actions. The more I think about it, the closer I become to vomiting. Why must I have such a filthy brain?



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so did the train. These disgusting people. They’re just as filthy as I am. These are terrible people, there’s no good there. They all insist on surrounding me. Everything is filthy, the seats, floors, even the air. The rancid air falls deeper and deeper into me, of my own actions. Of my own actions. It’s all of my actions (the source, being my actions). There’s no other source of the filth other than myself and my perception. I’ve no clue where I am. It’s so dark, quiet, and placid. There’s nothing here except for a coincidence, and even that I cannot have. There really is nothing left for me. I walk every day through this same path, without thinking, I never think (I know what you’re thinking now, but you are truly stupid to think that). Every day, every day, every day, I’m stuck on every day it just won’t leave. I can’t have every day hold so much power over me, so I have to reduce every day into nothing to regain control. It hasn’t worked.



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so too did the train.There’s no intuitive understanding for them. They’re all empty (empty of something). Now for sure I’ll be free (there’s no conviction behind this though). If I can live for maybe 40 more years I should be free of a vast majority of obligations, as long as I can continue avoiding accruing additional obligations. I don’t have long left. I’ll be free soon. I can be free. Nothing will be holding me down then, I’ll finally be free of everything chaining me to life. I spend so much time and effort attempting to reduce the importance of these (psychological) chains (in an effort to psychologically dissolve their form, as to remove their utility (that is, to chain me)) and yet I still acknowledge them this way in my thoughts. I will be chained forever, until death. And nothing can kill me until I’m free anyways.



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so did the train. It seems there really is nothing there. The coincidence is really nothing, no reason at all to think about it, all value’s been lost. But I suppose this line of thought discounts anything which has the capacity of gaining value (this line of thought (that is, the line of thought about the line of thought) is incredibly naive As I’ll prove there truly is no “valueless item (item being anything that can be defined)” that can accrue value. All methods by which value can be gained are perfectly definable at any point in the time of the item’s existence (existence not limiting points in time before and after the item)), however this is a very naive analysis of my conclusion of ignoring the coincidence. I truly believe that once anything has lost all definable value the only rational course of action is to ignore it from that point on. The analysis of value is such a trivial task, and the fact of the matter is, that value is a unique property that it can be defined as a constant when any point in the future is set as an “end date.” If, through this analysis every point in the future is ruled as valueless, it can be fully discarded from thought.



  A coincidence of the early morning: as I arrived, so too the train. For this brief moment, two independent forces aligned without any outside intervention. (This is a far rarer occurrence than you may initially think. For instance, you may believe that this alignment occurs whenever you exit one subway line to enter another, and being instantly greeted with an arriving train, but this is the intended behavior built into the schedule for these trains, and only the common misalignment of train to schedule makes one believe that these two trains aligning is an alignment of independent forces. Another false example would be meeting someone from your past out in the streets. You may initially think this is an incredible coincidence between yourself and him, but in reality there are several hundred explanations that discredit any form of independent alignment. For instance, he could simply be desperate for money and has tracked you down to solicit a quick buck. Or, he had already independently aligned with an acquaintance of yours, and your acquaintance forwarded the idea of your meetup. And a third situation could be that it isn’t your friend at all, and your mind’s desire for these independent alignments have warped this stranger’s figure into that of your old friend. This is all to say, an independent alignment is a rare and innocent event, worthy of note.) These alignments have become rarer by the year. Too much control has been placed in our hands, and too little is left to the world. We have become greedy with capability. (Rather, I’d say we are greedy for the capability to reduce independent alignment. Every societal structure is formed for the express purpose of reducing independent alignments and to find ways to further reduce them.) This coincidence must signal the world has ended its slumber, and is ready and willing to take back what we have taken. The train was nearly at my destination, the other three passengers could hardly care. All their eyes glazed over in fear of the world. There isn’t much to fear anymore so they’re making the most of what’s left.



  A coincidence of the early morning: As I descended the concrete steps, the subway train arrived. Perhaps if I were to accentuate a particular point within that statement, I would instead phrase it “As I arrived, so too did the subway.” (I’ll work on that). This union (the unity my last statement was accentuating) of independent events struck me with a renewed sense of life. The pungent odor of urine hung in the air as I withdrew into my mind. My daily (By daily, I’m not referring to something I do every 5 days. This is a 7 day affair, I assure you) commute serves as a transitory state physically and mentally between my home and work, a distinct boundary I work very diligently to maintain. The modernist obsession with union between work and home is a disgusting phenomenon, which serves purely as a way to degrade one’s conception of Self. If one is expected to work at any time from anywhere, action is rendered independent of location, and is instead tied to individuals. You go from: “Yes, I work as a journalist. (Hypothetical career for the hypothetical man)” to “I am a journalist.” (I find the latter statement incredibly disturbing to even imagine uttering).



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so too did the train. But it all dissolves in the end. None of these people understand the sheer beauty of this coincidence, and I’m glad they never will. Those sick twisted people have no capacity to admire beauty, pure beauty. The effort I have put in to make this coincidence is equal to that of a magnificent piece of art. I’m the greatest artist to ever live, for I will never be admired, I’ll never be acknowledged, I’ll get no such luxuries and yet I will continue to birth my magnificent art. In an evil, evil world I would be recognized for my efforts, worshiped daily by the hideous people around me. Their children would all grow up wishing to be able to replicate a fraction of my works, and their parents would have to crush their dreams with a swift reply that they should temper their dreams, for there is no chance they’d ever be a bit like me. This coincidence is mine alone to admire, and I’ve never been happier until this moment. I’m happy to admire the coincidence, I’m happy to even be able to even recognize the beauty of the coincidence, and I’m happy of my capacity to create such a coincidence.



  A coincidence of the early morning, as I arrived, so did the subway. I haven’t entered the subway in a month. I walk down to this station, pay to pass the turnstile, then watch the train arrive. There’s nothing I really need beyond that. I don’t think so, at least. I don’t think much anyways. The money should be good for another month, then I can free myself. I can spend my last month happy, then my last day free. It’ll be beautiful. Everything is much better when you create these beautiful moments for yourself. It’s my thought that many people these days feel sad and without purpose because they believe that it's their environment’s (that is, both the physical environment as a non-living entity, as well as all the living entities that make it up) responsibility to bring beauty into their lives. This lazy and despicable view is the reason no such beauty will ever emerge from their environment. I truly hate these disgusting people. If I could be free of them, I’d finally be able to live a life of pure beauty. It’s such a happy and comforting thought that I’ve been thinking it for years in order to go on. Maybe it wasn’t comforting enough in the end, then.