Grinoldy_∞

Pouring Brain

  Everything is awful and I’m awful everything about me is awful. My body is awful my mind is awful nothing works with each other, every aspect of myself is pitted against each other at every moment. Nothing nothing othingi no noi nfie ni ithin ignire ginre ing. Nothing. Nothing . I feel absolutely everything except for nothing now. I used to feel nothing forever and now there’s everything and I need to be able to be myself to make it stop but will i ever be able t obe myself i need money i need time i need money i need time but i have no money and time means being now and now is this, and this is awful, as stated before. I know all these feelings none of them are new they just have been granted the right to be acknowledged. I can see myself, feel myself, recognize THE self, the self, but the self doesn’t get through the skin. The skin keeps me in and the pain in my head has come back. The endless dull throbbing that never ends.

  I feel it the headache that never ends. The pain of being what I am. I was born to be an awful ugly suffering thing. A huge disgusting thing that exists to see itself every day and wish itself out of existence. That’s all I feel , even if that’s not true, feeling is of the present, therefore that’s all I feel. Smoking stops the feeling for 13 to 23 minutes. Then it comes back and i feel and i keep feeling. I wished i could stop feeling, so i put them out onto a screen for others to see. The pain becomes external and i can feel other things. Other things such as “Why did I write this (Answered)” and “What word should follow (Answered)”. I will be ok. I can at least be myself someday, and some people will never have that. Happiness will be in the future.