Grinoldy_∞

Summer

  I now know why I cannot write. My summers for the past 2 (3?) years have all followed a similar pattern. Summer was always the period where I had been under the most surveillence, under the most attack. I'm nothing like myself, or perhaps I haven't changed at all. Last Summer I had in mind an idea. I was drinking 1.5 gallons of sweet tea each day, but I noticed something strange; it tasted nothing like the tea I knew. There was nothing about that situation that didn't arouse suspicion. I knew for some time now about the certain vehicles, this was simply the next step. I planned my escape from Them, and yet I'm still here.

  I have recently watched Kurosawa's I Live in Fear, the story of a man consumed by fear and surrounded by those who care only about material. The moment material leaves the process of thought, every feature of Their 'reality' can be observed. The surveillance, the manipulation, They know every detail about you. Much like the lead character in the formerly mentioned film, I too, lived in fear. But the fear is gone, and only complacency remains. I no longer have the ability to act, perhaps I can only be driven by obligation, material, and fear. It's a very tedious life, but it's mine. But it isn't. I changed it at one point. The Summer before the Summer last, They had gotten to me, God saved my physical life. I was a different person. I could move and act on my own volition. But I can't anymore. It all changed after I stopped acting for a week. I stopped for a week and since I couldn't begin again.

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